dance dance dance

oh it's 2006!
doesn't the thought of another new year bring a fresh feelin to jumpstart the year?! not really with a resolution but just celebrating it's freshness.. fresh like popping open a bottle of Cerveza Negra or like showering after a passionate love or flowers in spring or just drinking fountain water when thirsty?! you get it right? okay, okay, im running out of metaphors. i'll just quote an excerpt of my dear sister's article in What's On and Expat's first issue. i'm sure we'll agree on this:

"Celebrate 2006 - Do Something New This Year!

"Everyone agrees. Resolutions are a terrible way to start the New Year; they pile up like unpaid bills and leave guilt and frustration in their wake.."

*nod*

after a very tumultous december, it's this.i don't want to pre-empt what i'm going through right now but what i could say is that this year is gonna be one hella, i mean, heaven of a different and busy year, especially during the first and second quarter. imagine. 2 theses - sibayan and mfi. saflex, glass dreams, business venture - on my way to financial freedom, hopefully helping 12 others (and more!) to do the same this year!!! and other stuffs i like to do.

arghhhh!! i hate this vagueness!!

*control, control*

WHATEVER!
this is YOUTH!!!
who's gonna freakin' stop us?!
freak 'em!
(somehow fuck still sounds better..hahaha)
confusion is our first steps
vagueness is our privilege
passiOn, obsesssssion and MaDneSS!!!
our license!
you can't do without!
those who can't keep up,
stay out!
but better if you be us
cause here is the place to be
now is the time to be
this is the way to be
can't you see?
"what do you want?"
"what drives you?"
"who are you?"
don't say "nike"
not even "you" cause i can't see "you"
i can only see someone you fear you've become
especially mom, but mostly dad
listen to john mayer's song
before you become a father
and watch Bruce Almighty
so you could see farther
yes, pop pop pop
it's everywhere
we pop pop pop
we are everywhere
we like, no, obsess it this way
we hear like it
we like it here
we watch till we hatch and be one of 'em batch
oops, i take that back!
we don't like it here!!!
'cause we're not born to make them happy
we wanna be someone, i mean somewhere else but here
somewhere else but home
madness til Daybreak!
what is this?
an ode to discontentment

it's really different. this first two weeks of 2006. and i like it.
hectic, busy, but cool. i know i'm doing something with my life. really something i know will be big. i wish i could write it in a more poetic way but this is really cool. so i'm really in the business of helpin people. i just realized it now. in this business i'm in, it's about dealing with people and their needs...

"it's all in the mind." "mind over matter." that's what i've always heard from my mom. i've never really believed it until now. the idea of moving mountains doesn't seem so improbable anymore.

....

sleeeeeeeeepy
il be bak to finish this.
il update u peeps what's up.
yipee!

some will, some won't, so what?! next!

damn the the torpedos and damn those dreamstealers! they keep telling you that your dream is not worth it and they'll tell you to live their dream. bahala ka.

but thanks pa for giving me an inspiration to show myself that i could be more than what you told me. hahaha.

no one stopped me while i was falling for apathy
vacuum consumed me
i consumed myself
i actually enjoyed the vacuum that embraced me
the faux etherealness you just find yourself to be
people were wisps, just wisps of well, motion? i don't know,
occupiers of space, i guess
only few overlapped mine

no one lectured me about my stride down life's slow death
i was killing myself
well to think of it, we're all dying
(but still, killing and dying are two different things.)
some just bribe with metaphors to make the motions smoother, definitely more comfortable and convenient, and so she sang -
kill me softly -
only the fortunate ones could adlib

no one sermoned me that i'm wasting time by spending spending spending instead of investing investing investing it
no one told me that activity does not equal accomplishment

now i'm doing something, this bizz
people try to stop me
people block me
good!
finally
perhaps this is something good for a change
kill me swift

eyes wide open
eyes shut in an instant
slide up
porcelain shivers
left and write
my name on your back
nape to cheek
to cheek
cherry flavor
all over
slide down
with gentle wisps
swaying
along silken paths
with hills and valley
to where liberty screams
fruits burst
and memory has no memory
except that of bliss

puta don't force me to read that Book!
or go to that place
il decide when the time comes
il choose when i choose to
maybe it'll be too late
but whatever
it's always been too late
fuck

oh well, everything seems forced to me
when it comes to that
argh
events will just unfold
il just open up
closed down or close up
when you come near me with that

you're okay
you're still cool with me
cool that you share your faith
cool that you talk about the one you love
or the one who loves you
whichever way you prefer
but throw it at me
and
fuck

not a poem. just poemry
universe bless me

i know we're all being futuristic and optimistic and everything starts becoming simplistically balistic. so lemme simplify this amplified desire of mine to a list to show you a jist of what i miss amidst all this.

im gonna miss tin. she's graduating. you know that i know that you know. we both know. i miss the inquirer photoseminar 3days. going to rockwell alone and meeting three new friends and meeting starstrucking idol photographers and this ol' charming lad and picturing the two tanyas. i miss bonding with gretch. i miss driving home bonding and kuliting henny and dropping him at 7-11 a.boni. i miss rides with pachi in her van and letting her super kuwento and i super listen. i miss the times when pat used to steal my stuff and make me believe i left it somewhere. i miss inna nopc angkining my stuff during filmman and then telling me how she loves me very much. i miss how we used to practice our choreography for chorale contests in high school. i miss being in front of the entire scouting people. i miss taiwan and buying iced tea in the 24 hour shops or looking for my black wallet in mcdonalds. yes i wanna go back and relive those 3weeks. i miss all my doodles and laughing and rolling over the floor, screaming from heart attack and killing each other secretly with winks. i miss dancing in front of people especially during wee little man. i miss shooting hoops. i miss conversations with keitleen in java when we would get all excited of our dreams and all. i miss that woman i met in the bus to malinta exit when i was 3rd year high school, we will meet each other in heaven. i miss sir ricky and karate application. i miss going to starbucks when it was such a treat. i miss finbank with hen, les, and melo. bora days and nights. i miss fininte. i miss fotocam days. i miss harlequin days when marketing was the committee. i miss performing in front of people. drinking alcohol. i miss miggie and training and bonding with her. i miss guitar days with ezra. i miss varsity fellowship days. i miss high school days in the cool mornings passing by the fourth floor corridor from 4-6 to the locker area in front of the physics lab to get the pile of books. i miss eating four slices of baon of bread in grade 6 and finishing one water jug. i miss being building guard. i miss camping in mt. makiling. i miss playing spy in grace. i miss investiture rites. i miss the time when i complained that papito's beard was too rough and i didn't want to give him a peck. i wanna go to tempco with ahya and practice glass bending and glass art! i miss di-e. i miss bonding with kats in the gate 4kyosk and LS benches. i miss going to ccf with mel. i miss stat102 days, i should've said something. i miss pltc. i wanna go to enchanted again. i don't want to drive mattic anymore. i wanna drive astra.