dance dance dance

I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

-excerpts from Steve Jobs' commencement address 2005

http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

janet jackson's That's the Way Love Goes

Whatever your heart is, that your world will be also.

That's my epiphany for today. When your heart embraces the world, you'll see that the world embraces you back.

We see with our heart, not with our eyes.



The old saying says, "The truth shall set you free."

I just realized that it's also it's acceptance, acknowledgement and expression that sets us free.

A friend of mine related to me recently that he feels lighter now that he's out than when he was holding back the truth about himself to other people.

More than just accepting the truth, it's its expression that frees us. Not verbalizing and being the truth holds us back from being fully ourselves.

Opening up is not so bad after all. Being vulnerable is okay. It's ok. The world does not end just because i did. Well for a while and then i was born again. So that's what it is to be born again. It's not a one time thing. You die to yourself, everyday, every moment that you decide (later on it becomes who you are, it becomes very natural already). That old self that is. You empty yourself - become formless. Now you're a new being, a new creation/creature (of God, of yourself).

love is lovely. wonderful. fabulous.

I read somewhere that you have to risk great pain to experience great love. maybe. i think so too.

How's your love life?

You will see by the smile of the person the real reply of the heart. But that's not the kind of love life that i'm talking about here. I'm talking about your love journey.

Love doesn't travel the same plane as time. Even time doesn't travel the same plane as our lives do - that's for another time. So going back to your love life, how were you raised? Yes, we love a certain way. What's your lovestyle?

How do you love your parents? your dad? your mom?
Pax made me cry again last Friday night in Makati. But it's true. He saw what's churning inside even when i forgot about it. I think Carlos said the same thing but maybe Pax put it in another way that really hit home.

How did/does your parents love you? How do you love your siblings? How do you love your friends? How do you love your lovers? How do they love you?

Here are some things about love that i've been raised with. (i almost forgot about this. i tossed this aside for some time.) sometimes love can be impatient. but maybe that's not love. maybe it is sometimes. i don't know. i don't want to overthink na. basta ito yun alam ko. just go back to that commitment of what you want and do what's necessary to keep that. (i should start being comfortable with such words. i realized that i can't always live life arbitrarily.)

Here it is from the ancient scrolls:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

"...by this we worship and are free."

everything is interwoven. everything is revealed at their proper time. gravedacious. i'm fascinated by this. slowly, surely, things i've read, heard and experiencing is unfolding before me. i stand awed.

"Love is difficult."

"But love the difficult."

"It is also good to love: because love is difficult. For one human being
to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation." -Rilke

"Having the capacity to love is not the same as having the ability to love."

"We are all born with God-given, unique traits and skills. But, as with all possibilities they will remain unrealized unless they are developed, nurtured, and put into practice. You may have the "capacity" to love, but if left undeveloped, you will never gain the "ability." -Buscaglia

"We don't see the world as it is; we see the world as we are."-Eker

"Fashion yourself a good life. It is woven with care. It doesn't just happen by accident. If you wish to be happy, study happiness. I didn't know happiness was a study. My best hope at age 25 was go through the day with my fingers crossed. Hoping someone will make me a little happier."

"Happiness is not by accident. Happiness is on purpose. Happiness is not by chance. Happiness is by choice. Happiness is a study. Happiness is a practice. Happiness is not account, not a bank account. Happiness is an art and anybody who wants to can study the art of weaving their own happiness like weaving a tapestry - if you're interested.

Happiness is an art just like culture, just like sophistication. It's not out of reach of anybody. People with modest means can be cultured and sophisticated. Happiness is not a hope. It's a learned art. You don't need anymore resources. You just have to learn how to weave it and not leave it to chance. Weave it carefully with your own hands. Put your heart and soul into it. Now sure when you could get more money, you could go more places but i can't get you any happier. Happiness is a separate art from travel. Happiness is separate from economics."

"Lifestyle is figuring out ways to live uniquely." -Rohn

I don't know everything and i'm ok. I don't have everything and i'm ok too. I'm not everything to everyone and that's fine with me. Thank you so much!

gets ko na. gets ko na. gets ko na.

how can you overlook this?? hahaha. i cringe that now i was it. the desperate pala will take any shape or form, any mind or heart, even my shape. hihee.

but it's ok. it's ok. sabi nga saken ni j.w. "I like to be among the desperate." the question now would be,"will you be as forgiving to yourself as you are to others?"

hmmm. "Definitely." I'd be kinder to myself. I deserve the best, my best.


Whose life are you living?

we were taught math, science, english, economics in school but why were we not taught how to love? how to connect with one another? how to listen? how to be honest?

we were taught to be mediocre - to nod our way through life, to accept things as they are. we're even tested for compliance.

there's no glory in being mediocre. some people love like everybody else. some people talk like everybody else. some people drink, eat, sleep like everybody else. everybody else lives everybody else's lives.

Loving, like prayer, is power and a process. it's curative. it's creative. -zona gale

Stories We've Written

negative emotion is stuck energy.
it's ok. about money, love, happiness. stop thinking. feel it and fill in the blanks.

i feel angry at
i feel ashamed/embarassed of
i feel guilty because
i feel sorry because

finished? let them go now. so when's a better time to let them go? do you want to tell me a better time? the same excuses will just rise again. feel the emotions as you are writing. when tears flow, it's part of the release.

letting go is a choice and so is not letting go.

So what stories do you want to now write?

(credit to T.Harv Eker)

the promise of the future brings hope for the present.

i didn't really wanna do it but i did anyway, for old time's sake. i like the smell. i realized i miss the smell on my hair and on my mouth. i like it playing between my fingers and lips. i haven't done it for about a month until tonite.

i'm learning.

-

It’s so so tempting to live daily just to get through the day. To numb myself from feeling too much. To find noble purposes to take my attention away from the thought of your absence.

-

There is such an obvious need for demonstrated love, it is well to realize the enormous power we do have to help and to heal people in our lives with nothing more complicated than an outstretched hand or a warm hug.

Negative emotions are stuck emotions. Just like our respiration is not complete without inhaling and exhaling air, love is received and given/expressed. If not, it withers and dies. It does not die of natural death. It dies from neglect and abandonment. It dies of blindness and indifference and of being taken for granted. Things omitted are often more deadly than errors committed.

We need not perform monumental acts, but act on simple things that can readily be accomplished: that phone call we have not made, that kindness we have failed to acknowledge. When it comes to giving love, the opportunities are unlimited and we are all gifted.

Why and who and how we love does not benefit from microscopic scrutiny.We just have to love.

I don’t love to be loved in return, I love to love. I love to express the love I have inside me. When we give up something for someone we love, no matter how great the sacrifice, there can be no conditions. What we do, we do because we will it, free of implications of future payment, or debt, or guilt. Only in this way is sacrifice a healthy manifestation of love.

Nothing in your deepest heart of hearts am I not also. You can share with me. I don’t have perfect love, I have human love. In my imperfection I have the capacity for wrong doing and making mistakes and inflicting hurt and pain. I feel pain. I feel despair, even at this very moment. I just choose to be positive so that love can continue to reign in me instead of loneliness, despair and aloneness that I’ve allowed to thrive for so long.

When you love, it does not guarantee that you will be loved in return. Love does not also guarantee that you will not hurt each other.

-

There’s one healthy condition for unconditional love to loving someone, and that is that they continue to grow as an individual, separately from us. If we feel for an instant, that we are keeping someone from growth, we must, immediately and carefully, examine our love. We must not only respect the need for our lover’s growth, we must encourage it, even at the risk of losing them.

I have to release myself of labeling. Of putting myself and others and ideas into boxes. We write our own stories. It need not be put in an end-all box. “It can be this and also this and sometimes this…” With that, our experience of the world grows.


-

My love is new every morning. I learned that from my Father - my heavenly father. I never did know that until now. I’m stubborn. I have stubborn love just like my Father. I love with the sunshine, the rain, the clouds, the moon and the stars. I love with other people and everything around.

Love makes us more of ourselves. It helps us discover facets of ourselves that we can’t find out on our own.

In love we find security which encourages us to risk, to try again, to find new behavioral alternatives for old ways.

-

I’m mad. And as Kurosawa said, in a mad world, only the mad are sane. Sanity is trained madness. It’s play time!
Let wonder dominate our days. I want to live a passionate existence. We have become too serious about eberiting, too tense, too stressed. We equate maturity with seriousness, and believe that wisdom comes to us only through sober reflection and long considered judgments.

Yes, life is difficult and no life is trouble free. We should not spend out lives putting up with things. I cannot accept the idea that life is something to be endured. Learning to cope is a skill for life, not a way of life. Living fully is a way of life, with loving fully as its most perfect complement.

-
(interspersed with stolen lines from Buscaglia)

ANGEL
Live In My House
I'll Be Your Shelter
Just Pay Me Back
With One Thousand Kisses
Be My Lover - I'll Cover You

COLLINS
Open Your Door
I'll Be Your Tenant
Don't Got Much Baggage
To Lay At Your Feet
But Sweet Kisses I've Got To Spare
I'll Be There - I'll Cover You

BOTH
I Think They Meant It
When They Said You Can't Buy Love
Now I Know You Can Rent It
A New Lease You Are, My Love,
On Life - Be My Light

Just Slip Me On
I'll Be Your Blanket
Wherever - Whatever - I'll Be Your Coat

ANGEL
You'll Be My King
And I'll Be Your Castle

COLLINS
No You'll Be My Queen
And I'll Be Your Moat

BOTH
I Think They Meant It
When They Said You Can't Buy Love
Now I Know You Can Rent It
[I'll Cover You lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

A New Lease You Are, My Love
On Life

All My Life
I've Longed To Discover
Something As True As This Is

COLLINS
So With A Thousand
Sweet Kisses
And I'll Cover You
With A Thousand
Sweet Kisses
I'll Cover You




When You're Worn
Out And Tired


When Your Heart
Has Expired
ANGEL
If You're Cold
You're Lonely




With A Thousand
Sweet Kisses
I'll Cover You

With A Thousand
Sweet Kisses
I'll Cover You

BOTH
Oh Lover I'll Cover You
Ya-----
Oh Lover I'll Cover You

let's play soccer on the beach!
frisbee too while it's raining!

ang ganda ganda ng buwan.

i like it with its crescent shape. it's calling me to sit on its curve.
i'll dangle my feet while i sing or fish - just like the Dreamworks logo. i think i'll shimmer just like the boy.

lalalala lala

i wanna share the world with you. ang dami kong gustong sabihin. ang dami kong gustong ipakita. ang dami kong gustong sabihin. ang dami kong gustong ipakita. ang dami kong gustong ibigay. ang dami kong gustong ibigay. tabihan na lang kita. underneath the stars, in silence we share the world. i'll show you what i mean.

lalala lalala la

music of my heart, where art thou?

will you shimmer too?

stories
rockwell afternoons. breakfast at the diner. saxophone. back and lines. photography. smoke and light. today. tomorrow and yesterday.
"manual/mechanical is romantic."

where are you going, my heart?

so that's how it feels to tremble. have you before me?

always hopes, always trusts, always protects.

i need too.

enchant. purple. astonish. purple balloons. magical.

take me.

is a sign of strength.

I'm having a hard time.
I get affected by what others think, well, more like what i think that they think.
Naiinis ako dahil i don't know what's really happening and what's really going to happen next - that you can't figure it all out in one sitting, though it's also a relief that life isn't all that boring! (pero nakakainis pa rin. hehe)
I'm really not sure if i can. I have my doubts too sometimes.

"It is through an understanding and acceptance of ourselves, our needs and what we require for happiness that we can comprehend and appreciate the needs of others. Love has acquired its tenuous reputation because it has been, for so long, left in the hands of amateurs who distrust it and themselves."

books i'm finishing and/or finished within the last few days:

Born for Love
Loving Each Other: The Challenge of Human Relationships
Winning with People
Business School: For people who like helping other people

their words are the tracks of my thoughts, though not always. my feelings vacillate from love-hate, tenderness-revenge, confusion-calmness and contentment. thank God for these books. They're like friends that remind me of the big picture and keep me sane in these frustrating hours.

there are some people whom you feel safe with but still feel challenged to grow. i love it. i like being around them 'cause i feel secure, accepted and warm - even during my damn seriousness, craziness, even pettiness. It's like a greenhouse for my supportive thoughts to flourish while i still tend to vagueness that creep like weeds in other relationships.

Forgiveness is letting what was, be gone; what will be, come what is now, be. - David Augsburger

"Forgetting does not imply that we condone the wrong. It suggests that the action is past and for the future's sake it must be released so we can resume living again."

- forgiveness and forgetting is an active process. it's a moment to moment decision to let go of chains and choose life. let go of what was and welcome what could be.

"Most of us actually feel guilty when we're happy! We're convinced that we will either be punished for it or that gloom will not be too far behind."

Free from "straightjacket of convention" - get in touch with our natural spontaneity and our natural madness.

"We are far too rational in our relationships, far too ordered, organized and predictable. We need to find a place, just this side of madness and irrationality, where we can, from time to time, leave the mundane and move into spontaneity and serendipity, a legvel that includes a greater sense of freedom and risk - an active environment full of surprises, which encourages a sense of wonder.

"A bond of love is easy to find in an environment of joy."

i'm like this:

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it's human. it's ok. life's beautiful because of relationships and the sense of wonder each individual brings into it and the environment around us.

ang buhay talaga. masaya. malungkot. wala lang. ewan. masakit. nakakaewan na nakakabaliw. pero alam mo, tingin ko, hindi talaga buhay eh, yung mga tao sa buhay natin ang nagpapasaya, ang nagpapalungkot, ang nagpapaewan, nagpapasakit, nagpapabaliw sa atin!

sila ang dapat sisihin!!

haha, hindi naman. shempre kasama rin tayo. tayo ang main karakter sa buhay natin. tayo ang bida. diba ang saya?

behind the scenes din tayo.

tayo rin ang skriprayter, maski ang sinematograper.
tayo rin pala ang bahala sa musical score.
tayo rin ang casting director, pipili ng mga supporting actors and actresses at sino gusto natin maging extras.
tayo rin ang direktor na magsasabi ng "Camera rolling" at "CUT!", tayo rin ang pipili pano ang approach o treatment.
tayo rin ang editor - buti na lang.

hmmm.. anong klaseng pelikula kaya ang ipproduce ko?